Roger and owt
Viz was founded at the same time as RC, in 1979, and as both publications enter their 33rd revolution, we have an exclusive treat in the svelte shape of Roger Mellie’s festive bottom 10. But be warned: it’s strong stuff...
The man on the telly’s bottom 10
10 Mistletoe & Wine – Cliff Richard (1988)
The lyrics sum up all my favourite things about Christmas: mistletoe, wine, children singing Christian rhyme, gifts on the fire, logs up the tree, taking time to rejoice in the good that we see. The fucking lot. What can you say about him? The Peter Pan Of Pop. Well into his 90s now, he doesn’t look a day over 16. Except for his neck, which is like a dinosaur’s scrotum.
9 Santa’s A Fat Bitch – Insane Clown Posse (1997)
If you only know me from standing in on the Antiques Roadshow when Fiona Bruce’s piles are playing up, you probably wouldn’t imagine I was a big fan of ICP, but you’d be wrong. And I’ve heard that Eamonn Holmes is too and has Violent J and Shaggy 2 Dope tattooed across his arse cheeks.
8 Mistletoe – Justin Bieber (2011)
I see some bird’s accusing Bieber of getting her up the duff during a knee-trembler in the bogs. But there’s no way he got her pregnant. He was only Just-in. Get it? I sent that one in to Mock The …
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